


Does Remus know?

by pckdrg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 03:51:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19369258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pckdrg/pseuds/pckdrg
Summary: Lily confronts Sirius about being in love with Remus.





	Does Remus know?

‘So, does Remus know?’ Lily leaned against the bedframe of James’ bed, who was brushing his teeth next to her.

Sirius put out his cigarette and jumped down from the window in their room.

‘Know what?’ He asked.

‘That you’re in love with him.’

Sirius stopped in his tracks. ‘What did you say?’

James rolled his eyes at Lily. ‘He doesn’t know’, he said with his toothbrush still in his mouth. It was hard to understand, but both Lily and Sirius knew what he was saying.

‘What don’t I know?’ Sirius demanded.

‘You are’, Lily said simply.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, Sirius replied while walking over to his bed to flatten his sheets, which he only did when he was nervous. He wasn’t looking at Lily.

‘Tell me one girl you dated that you genuinely cared about’, she said, while making air quotations at the word dated.

Sirius spluttered some words but didn’t reply. He looked at James angrily, as if this was his fault. James just shrugged and walked over to the bathroom again.

Finally, with a big sigh, Sirius faced Lily. 

‘Look.. Remus is our Moony, I can’t be in love with him, that would make me- I don’t know, I’m not.. I just care for him as a friend.’

‘I don’t think there is a boy that has received as much love as Remus, and it’s all because of you’, Lily said quietly. She was looking over at Sirius with a piercing gaze. It made him uncomfortable.

‘Did Remus set you up to this? Or James?’

‘Remus is just as oblivious as you. He also doesn’t realise how smitten he is.’ For the first time, Lily smiled. 

There was a flutter in Sirius’ stomach which went all the way to his toes when Lily said that and he felt his cheeks flush a bit. He hoped she hadn’t spotted it, but he saw her grin even more so he knew he was done for.

‘I.. I don’t know..’ He started.

‘What more do you want? You both care a lot about each other, you live with each other, you are immensely close, you even sleep in the same bed sometimes, what’s holding you back?’ She said lazily. She was laying down on James’ bed, examining her nails as if this was the most casual conversation ever. The sight irritated Sirius a bit.

‘I don’t know, maybe the fact that he’s a guy?’ He snapped back sarcastically. He felt guilty as he spat it out, because it was Remus he was talking about and he never said a bad word about Remus.

‘So, you think Remus should just end up with someone else? Someone like Benjy, for instance?’

She had found a weak spot. Of course she did. She had saved it for last, when she knew Sirius was worked up and frustrated and now she used her best weapon.Benjy. That stupid Ravenclaw bloke that had asked Remus to go to Hogsmeade with him a few weeks ago.

Sirius shook his head physically as if to clear his thoughts.

‘What about him? Remus is free to see whoever he wants, even though we always go to Hogsmeade with the Marauders and now he’s going with him suddenly, as a date- I mean it’s none of my business but it’s not a nice move because we’re his mates’, he mumbled.

‘So you don’t want Remus to go to Hogsmeade with Benjy?’ Lily said, biting her lip. Sirius didn’t know if it was from keeping her laugh in or if she was hesitant in how to ask what she wanted to ask.

‘Well.. It’s kind of our thing’, Sirius responded somewhat lamely.

‘But shouldn’t you supposed to be happy for him? Since you’re such good mates?’

‘I should, yeah.’

‘But you’re not happy for him.’

‘No’, Sirius said, so quietly that it was almost inaudible. But Lily had caught it.

‘Because you are the one that wants to take him to Hogsmeade’, she said with a finality in her voice, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sirius didn’t reply, he just stared at the ground.

‘And it doesn’t matter if it’s Benjy, because you would react the very same if it was another boy that had asked Remus to Hogsmeade, so you can stop pretending to hate him’, she continued.

Sirius remained silent.

‘So.’ She sat up and clapped her hands. ‘If you really want Remus for yourself in Hogsmeade, you’d have to ask him, Sirius.’ She looked at him expectantly.

Sirius’ voice was restrained when he finally spoke. ‘I’m not sure he feels the same way. He always calls me obnoxious and loud and annoying and I am way too much for him and I don’t know..’ He pulled his hands through his hair in exasperation. ‘He deserves someone good. Someone like him - patient, sensible, selfless.. I’m none of those things.’ His voice went really sad once he said that insecurity he didn’t knew he had out loud.

Lily stood up and walked over to Sirius. She put her hands on his shoulders. He was not that much taller than her.

‘We both know Rey. He’s my best friend too. Remus thinks exactly the opposite of what you just said. He thinks he doesn’t deserve anybody, that he’s better off alone, and that he definitely doesn’t deserve someone like you.’

Sirius’ eyes widened with both fear and hope. He swallowed and hoped she would continue, but then Remus himself walked up the stairs and into the dormitory.

He looked a bit bewildered when he saw them standing there. ‘What’s going on?’

Lily quickly composed herself and patted Sirius on his shoulder. 

‘Nothing, we were just talking’, she said. ‘I’m going to sleep, James, I’ll see you tomorrow okay?’ She shouted at the bathroom, where James was taking a shower.

‘Yes! I’ll see you then. Love you!’ He shouted back.

Lily gave Remus a quick kiss on his cheek and walked out of the door. When she closed it behind her, she looked over her shoulder and gave Sirius a meaningful look.

Remus walked over to his own bed and started to take up books he was studying before to put them back on his nightstand. 

‘You’re sure you’re alright? You look a bit pale’, he said.

Sirius found it hard to breathe all of a sudden. The room seemed warmer than normal. His palms seemed sweatier than normal. He felt more aware of his body than normal. He looked at Remus Lupin.

‘Yeah.. Yeah I’m fine’, he mumbled.

Remus smiled at him. It was one Sirius’ favourite Moony smiles. It was the genuine one, the warm smile that made Sirius always feel pleasant inside. It was the smile that Remus gave him when he was proud of Sirius. Sirius sat down on his bed and rubbed his eyes. Lily had seen through him and had read him like a goddamn book.

‘Are you still going to Hogsmeade with Benjy this weekend?’ Sirius asked quietly. 

Remus looked up, surprised. When he had told the boys about Benjy, they had all been enthusiastic - Benjy was very nice, after all - but Sirius had been really quiet about it. He had clapped him on the back with a forced smile and had sent dark glares at Benjy every breakfast from then on.

‘Yes, I am. Why wouldn’t I?’ Remus asked a incredulously.

Sirius swallowed. It was now or never. Before James walked in to ruin it all. Before Sirius lost his bravery and would brush it off and would just sulk the whole afternoon in Hogsmeade.

‘Because I’d like to go Hogsmeade with you’, he said, staring at Remus.

He felt so vulnerable. He hoped that this was enough, that Remus would get the hint, that he would never have to put out his feelings like this ever again because he was terrified of rejection right now.

Unfortunately, Remus didn’t get the hint. Oblivious, Lily had called him.

Remus sighed. ‘I know I’m always spending it with you, Pete and James, but I don’t know.. I asked you guys before and you were okay with it. Besides, it’s just one afternoon.’

Sirius bit his lip. He had absolutely no idea what to say next. He looked at Remus’ confused face, the few freckles on his nose he knew so well, his slightly dry lips- and suddenly Sirius’ felt his fingers tingle because he was imagining what it would be like to kiss those lips, his body was so curious what it would be like- and then he remembered that Benjy was probably going to kiss those lips this weekend.

He stood up, overwhelmed with adrenaline. 

‘Are you going to Puddifoot’s?’ He asked in what he hoped was not a too demanding voice.

Remus’ brows shot up. ‘Maybe. I don’t know, we haven’t really talked about it yet. But probably, yes. Why do you want to know?’

Please, Remus, just understand what I’m trying to ask here.. What I’m trying to say but I can’t say the words.. Sirius thought desperately.

He walked over to Remus’ bed and sat down opposite of him, crossing his legs. He knew his face looked immensely pained.

‘Don’t you like him?’ Remus asked after a really long silence.

Sirius shrugged. ‘He’s alright.’

‘Then what’s the problem?’ Sirius could feel Remus tensing up, he was starting to become a little bit irritated.

‘Does he know that we sometimes sleep in the same bed? And that we’re best friends? And that I turn into an animal once a month to run with you when you go Moony?’ Sirius said softly, fumbling with his sweater sleeves.

Remus’ face softened. Sirius thought he saw a flickr of recognition, of understanding there, but he wasn’t sure. 

Remus carefully chose his words. ‘Well, he obviously knows we’re best friends, we’re always together aren’t we? But he doesn’t know I’m a werewolf, I’m not going to tell him that.’

‘Why not?’ Sirius felt a little triumph explosion in his body and hated himself for it immediately.

Remus shrugged. ‘I don’t know Benjy that well. I don’t know.. Maybe it’ll be just one time in Hogsmeade. It’s best if people don’t know. I mean, it’s not as if I can ever get.. together with someone anyway.’ His voice trailed off.

‘Of course you can’, Sirius interrupted him.

Remus laid down against the bedframe and rolled his eyes.

‘Yeah right, they’re going to be totally fine with the fact that I’m a werewolf. Nobody is going to love someone like me, Sirius, why don’t you understand that?’ His voice sounded bitter.

‘I’m sure there is someone that does love you because of what you are, and not in spite of what you are’, Sirius said softly.

‘Well, I don’t think I’ve met them’, Remus said a bit bored, and he looked out of the window.

‘Perhaps you already have. You just don’t know yet how much they love you’, Sirius said, while closing his eyes. His hands were trembling so he made them into fists to stop it.

He heard Remus breathe out sharply. Sirius forced himself to open his eyes again.

‘Because they’re a coward so they won’t tell you’, Sirius continued.

Remus looks at him with wide eyes. He opened his mouth a few times to speak, but no coherent words came out.

Sirius moved forward on the bed and stopped right before Remus, who was still sitting up against the bedframe. Sirius looked into his eyes, and then his eyes travelled down to his lips. He quickly looked up to see if Remus was okay with it. He normally was an impulsive and reckless person, but not with Remus. Never.

Remus’ eyes softened and that was enough for Sirius. He put his hand behind Remus’ head and grabbed a few curls, and kissed him fiercely. For a split second he was afraid that Remus was going to push him away, but Remus responded just as enthusiastic as himself.Merlin, it felt good, it felt better than any girl he had ever kissed. Fireworks seemed to explode in his mind and body, he lost track of time, he had no idea how long the kiss actually last, the room felt even warmer than it already was, and he was kissing Remus Lupin.

Sirius pushed himself against Remus, and slowly put his knees on either side of Remus’ waist. Remus was taller, but they could easily kiss like this. Sirius moaned quietly against Remus’ lips and Remus immediately wrapped his arms around him to push him even closer. It didn’t matter that they were hot and a bit sweaty, all Sirius wanted was to touch Moony everywhere and hold him.

Remus’ arms went up and down his back, and one of his hands fumbled with the end of the sweater, like he was insecure about putting his hands under it.

Sirius ended the kiss and was panting heavily, and to his pleasant surprise he saw Remus equally flustered and out of breath. Sirius started to smile and he felt his heart explode. This Remus Lupin was the most beautiful version of him he had seen thus far in six years.

Remus’ hands were still tugging slightly at the sweater. Sirius just pulled it over his head and tossed it on the floor. He started to take off his shirt too, and saw Remus flush a deep shade of red. For the first time, he spoke.

‘You don’t have to- if you.. only if you want to’, he mumbled.

Sirius grinned. ‘Oh I definitely want to Moony, I really want to.’ And he took it off and threw it next to his sweater.

Sirius had walked around shirtless countless times in their dormitory, but now he suddenly felt a bit exposed, now that there was someone actually looking. He felt Remus’ eyes wander over his chest, over his shoulders.. He saw that the eyes were filled with lust and it made him shudder a bit.

Remus pulled Sirius against him again and moaned. It was such an overwhelming sound that Sirius had to pause kissing him.

‘God- you’re so.. You’re so hot, Moony, I can’t believe I waited so long for this-‘ he mumbled against Remus’ lips.

Remus’ hands were touching his back and he felt Remus’ fingers touch the scars his mother had given him all those years ago and they seemed to be healing every time Remus brushed over them.

He tugged at the hem of Remus’ shirt.

‘Take it off, please’, he breathed against Remus.’

Remus however, was hesitant. So Sirius took Remus’ face in his hands and kissed his nose.

‘I’ve seen your scars countless times, Moony’, he whispered. Remus closed his eyes.

‘Not like this.’

‘I think they’re really attractive. I love them, really. I know you hate them but they tell a sort of story of what you’ve been through.’

Remus opened his eyes again and looked pained. But then, in one swift motion, he took it off as well. Sirius leaned down and kissed every scar he could reach whilst still straddling Remus. Remus laid back again against the bedframe, with his neck exposed.

Sirius kissed his way up and started softly kissing Remus’ neck. He heard Remus’ breath starting to go faster. Remus smelt incredibly nice, it was the same smell Sirius loved when Remus hugged him and Sirius would always put his head in the crook of Remus’ neck. He had always loved him. He had always wanted Remus Lupin. The realisation dawned onto him and he was feeling happiness he had rarely felt before.

He started sucking Remus’ neck, trying to find out where the sensitive spots were. Remus moaned slightly and cursed when Sirius bit a spot just below his ear.

‘God- Sirius, you have no idea what you’re doing to me’, he panted.

So Sirius did it again, just to hear Remus like that. It sent shivers up his spine and blood down to his lower body. He sucked hard at the spot and he felt Remus scratch his back softly.

Then Remus pulled Sirius towards him and flipped him, so he was laying on his back while Remus rolled on top of him. Sirius’ face was flustered and surprised.

Remus started kissing him and pushing him down into the mattress. The friction it gave was enough to make Sirius moan out loud.

‘You have absolutely no idea what that does to me, Pads’, Remus whispered. He bit on Sirius’ lower lip.

‘I need more’, Sirius replied. He was slowly unzipping Remus’ belt and trying to push down his pants. Remus quickly helped him, and soon they were both laying on top of each other in their underwear.

Remus moved against him, and it made Sirius dizzy in his head. It felt so good. His body had never felt this way before.

Remus was starting to trail his hand down on Sirius’ stomach, and stopped at the waistband of his underwear. He looked at him and Sirius nodded. He wasn’t sure he could even speak if he wanted to.

So Remus took him into his hand and started stroking him slowly. Sirius cursed a few swearwords and immediately arched into the touch.

‘Please, please touch me Remus- Merlin I.. God that feels so good’, he mumbled.

‘Yeah? Does it make you feel good?’ Remus said into his ear quietly while softly biting on his earlobe.

‘So - so good’, was all Sirius could reply.

Remus started stroking him faster and Sirius knew he wouldn’t last long - not with a slightly dominant Remus above him doing things to him that made his body feel dizzy.

So he quickly pulled Remus’ underwear off and started getting him off as well. Remus moved so he was laying on his side, and he closed his eyes.   
They moved in the same rhythm, both panting and saying each other’s names. Sirius came first, when he couldn’t take it anymore. Hearing his own name on Remus’ lips in that low voice was enough to take him over the edge. A few strokes later, Remus came onto his hand, breathing heavily.

They lay there a few moments, catching their breaths, unsure what to do. Sirius looked at Remus and opened his arms.

Remus smiled - the favourite smile - and quickly lay down next to Sirius, while wrapping his leg around him. He pulled the blankets over them. 

Sirius kissed his nose and Remus laughed silently.

‘Why did you wait so long?’ He asked, his voice pleading.

‘I didn’t realise it yet. I’m sorry’, Sirius replied genuinely. ‘And you never gave me any hints!’

Remus sat up. ‘I gave you dozen of hints!’

‘Like what?’

‘When I was having a nightmare, and I walked over to your bed to sleep with you because I said you make me feel better, perhaps? That would be a pretty big hint’, Remus said while raising one eyebrow.

Sirius bit his lip. ‘Now I think back on it I feel like an idiot for not realising how much I actually love you, Moony. I’m sorry.’

‘You’re forgiven’, Remus said while kissing his jaw.

Sirius smiled and breathed in the scent of Moony, his Moony now. After a while, they both fell asleep.


End file.
